Today I realized how precious and fragile life is. I also realized how much I've already wasted. Sometimes if you take the time to evaluate what your thoughts and concerns are consumed with, you get a better understanding of what you're living for. I can tell you that I've done this today and so far my name has popped up in my head in flashy colored lights. How could one be so blind? Because it's easy to find ways of turning selfless acts of service into selfish deeds rooted in pride. All to make myself appear greater than I am. All is done in vain by trying to maintain a healthy image with thoughts solely geared towards myself. All things done with the intention of maximizing pleasure, happiness and self worth.
While I sense glimpses of joy when I put others before myself, the high of seeing myself in the spotlight continues to attract my empty heart. But how can a heart filled with Christ experience a sense of loss? It can't. The truth is, the joy-filled heart is never erased or taken away but rather the flesh which it lives in, hardens its senses from experiencing its abundance and as a result, joy becomes a distant memory while the flesh continues on its tiresome pursuit of temporary gratification. But for the one that seeks to feel the heart beat again, hope is found in such a request.
It is not by the snap of a finger, or by one's own strength, but it is when one redirects their eyes onto Christ and removes them from self, this is when the hardened shell that surrounds the heart begins to slowly but surely peel away. And one begins to understand that life with its flesh in center stage is a show performed too many times. But the life with a light illuminating Christ, brings unending joy.