Fear not, silence is okay.

Are you the type of person that gets scared of silence?
Do you find yourself feeling a bit tense when you're in a conversation with someone and neither you or the other person has said something in a few seconds?

I'm like that and I'm pretty sure most of our society is like that. How do I know? Well, just look at all the ways we're being forced into constant entertainment. Constant noise. Constant activity. It's interesting to think that one of our greatest fears is silence.

We've been unfortunately conditioned to think that silence = awkward. That silence = a waste of time. That silence = boring.

Over the past month or so, I've been realizing that this is definitely not the case. In fact, my fear of silence is beginning to be lifted from me.

Here are a few "revelations" I've had:

(a) It's okay to have a pause in a conversation
(b) It's okay to sit in my room for some time in silence and just think
(c) It's okay to step out of the busyness of life and just relax

For the longest time, my idea of productivity was that it involved lots of running around and the ability to check things off of a list. But what I'm now learning is that sometimes productivity is not always tangible. Sure I can write a paper, clean my house, write a song and those things would be considered productive but so can sitting in silence. I used to think sitting in silence meant that I sat in front of the TV for a few hours. Nope. While I may have believed I was truly experiencing silence, my brain was still being entertained and crowded with worldly noise.

I am in NO way promoting laziness. What I am saying is that if God himself shows us the example of taking time to rest, shouldn't we seek to do the same? I used to think God was disappointed in me if I wasn't super busy and constantly occupied but now I see that there is so much fruit that comes out of times of rest and silence, which makes it productive in it's own way.

When you rest, rest. So profound right? But seriously, just rest. Get out of this noisy world and put yourself in silence. It may seem awkward at first but I've realized how amazing this has been for my walk with Christ. Savor the precious moments of silence and you'll see how beneficial it will be to your life.

Fear not, silence is okay.

melody

"I want that."

Have you ever seen the movie Napoleon Dynamite? (If you haven't and don't like mindless movies, then it's probably not the cinematic experience you're looking for.) Anyway, if you have, remember that part when Uncle Rico is trying to sell his products to a couple and he throws in that model ship as an incentive? I always laugh at that part of the movie because the woman turns to her husband and says "I want that." She could care less about what Uncle Rico was offering, she just wanted that ship!

Now, most of you who just read that probably think I'm really random for including that in this post. The truth is, I'm pretty random but I do have a point. Even though I find that part hilarious, sometimes that lady reminds me of myself. Sometimes I find myself just sitting there, thinking about all the things that I want, and if I could just have this, or if I could just be like that. You know what that's called? Lust.

Ahhhhh!! The "L" word! There's something so provocative about the word lust and I think it's because it's usually associated with sex. It's true that if you were to look up the word in a dictionary it would confirm its sexual connotation, but the reality is, lust can be applied to a greater spectrum of things.

How about you? Do you find yourself constantly adding things to your imaginative wish list in hopes that these things will bring you what you're looking for?

Let me ask you this: what are you looking for? .....

|L O V E|Peace|J o y|Happiness|Satisfaction|Approval|W o r t h| |Forgiveness| Assurance| Faith| Acceptance|?

I was thinking about my own life and how so often I waste so much time living for the gratification of my flesh and forget about the life ahead of me. The eternal one. The one where earthly desires like money, sex, fame, pleasure and success seem like cheap imitations of what true living is like. We were not made to live here forever, so why do we keep storing up our so called "treasures" in this earthly fort that will soon dwindle down into the dust? Because we live in an "I want that" mindset. We want it, and we want it now. We lust and then fight for what we believe should be rightfully ours. And most of the time we lust over things we don't even know what they're like. And if we do, a taste of it will not suffice nor quench our deepest desires and we're left on a trail filled with sin and sorrow. 

Without the hope in Christ, life on earth is nothing but a game filled with instant but short-lived satisfaction and an impossible mission of preserving a body that simply won't last. 

Matthew 6:19-21 is a great reminder of this...

 ¹⁹"Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, 
 where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal,  
²⁰ but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth 
nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal.  
²¹For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. 

Live with an eternal perspective.

melody

Today, is a great day.

I'm going to be honest, I woke up super grumpy today. Have you ever had those mornings where you wake up and just want to crawl back into bed? You just feel so discouraged about your life and are so worried about where you're going and what the future holds? Pretty much how I felt today, actually, as I type this I still feel that way. So sometimes instead of grumbling about it I just like to write out truth and read it back to myself. Because regardless of the circumstance, truth remains true.

I titled this post "Today is a great day." because it's just that.
Today, is great day because I'm alive not just in terms of my flesh but I'm alive in Christ.
Today, is a great day because I am a child of God.
Today, is a great day because I have been given breath to serve my King Jesus.
Today, is a great day because God made it.

It's funny how I can write all those things and even believe all those things, but I still feel a sense of despair. Isn't it amazing how we still worry about life even though God has shown himself both sovereign and faithful to us? I can't even begin to tell you the number of times God has answered my prayers and demonstrated his provision for me. But yet I still worry about life. Memorizing scripture is great in times like this. As I wrote the word "worry" Matthew 6:25-34 came to mind...

Do Not Be Anxious
²⁵"Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? ²⁷And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? ²⁸And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, ²⁹yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. ³⁰But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? ³¹Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' ³²For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. ³³But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.³⁴"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

It's amazing how God genuinely cares about us...

"So why should I worry,
  Why do I freak out, 
  God knows what I need, 
  He knows what I need." - Jon Foreman/Your Love is Strong.

Today, is a great day.

melody

Count all as loss

It's been a difficult past few months, but in the best way possible. How does that make sense? Well, I'm learning that when you follow Jesus Christ, the path is narrow, its challenging, its testing, its sanctifying and its the reason why I get up everyday.

I think when I first became a Christian, I used to think that if I was going through a hard time with my relationship with God that there was something terribly wrong with me, and that Christians had to be happy and all together all the time. I'm learning quite the opposite right now. I think for a long time I was seeking happiness and just that. As I walk this narrow path, I'm learning that my desire wasn't necessarily wrong but it wasn't all that God had in store for me. I'm finding something much greater than happiness because I've found joy in Christ alone.

These past few months have been challenging and there have been times when I genuinely wanted to give up. I think in some ways I did, by simply doing things for the sake of checking things off of my so called "spiritual check list." I felt such a distance in my relationship with God and I constantly demanded that God would be near to me and make himself evident in my life. This isn't necessarily a bad or wrong thing to pray but as I prayed those things God had His way of showing me something significantly wrong with my approach to Him.

I was starting to realize that I was the one pushing myself away from Him. There were desires in my heart that overshadowed the love that I once had for my Savior. This was my wake up call - If you're not loving Christ, you're loving something else. That was pretty hard to digest. When you're confronted with something so significant like idolatry your pride just wants to brush it off and make it as insignificant as possible. And instead, you continue living a life of which you think you simply have "little" sins that you struggle with, when in fact those are the sins that are putting up the barrier between you and the greatest Love you can and ever will know. Sounds silly when I say it like that right? Unfortunately, that's how I was living. Placing a spotlight on the little "good" that I accomplished and minimizing all the bad.

Over the past month, God has been teaching me so many incredible things that are so difficult to grasp but all I can say is I am falling more and more in love with Him. I'm learning that I literally can't do anything to bring myself out of the pit of my sin. I can't sanctify myself. I can't restore my broken heart. I can't live a life that produces anything good...on my own. I need Jesus. There's nothing good about me apart from Him. But by God's grace, He showing me that He takes my filthiness and makes me into something beautiful. You know what's amazing? I am God's art. You are God's art. We are created in His image. And when we come to know Him by acknowledging that He is God, we are made into NEW creations (2 Corinthians 5:17).

I think it's really easy to speak "Christianese" trust me, I'm fluent in it. I say things all the time to myself and other people like "we need to count all things as loss." Well, God is teaching me its time to stop talking the talk and starting living it out. These past few days, my sin has become more and more apparent to me and quite honestly, I am disgusted. Of course there have been times in my life where I've looked at my sin and been appalled but I always tried to brush it off as fast as possible. Not this time. I want to see it in all of the "splendor" I make it out to be. The reason why I sarcastically say it like that is because I am learning more and more about Jesus and how incredibly wonderful and beautiful He is. The things that bring me instant but short lived satisfaction seem so ridiculous in light of the greatness of my God. He is so gracious to me and forgives me of all that I do against Him. I can't understand this love, but I know its all that I want.

I'm tired of spoiling my spiritual appetite with a trivial pursuit of worthlessness.

Jesus, replace my empty desires with the fullness of who You are.

melody

Look up

In the midst of this crazy world, it's good to simply sit in silence before God. I had the opportunity of doing that this morning and it was a great time of reflection. One word stuck in my mind as I sat there: Satisfaction.

Since I have been on a short break from school, I've taken notice of the unending advertisements that promote self and the temporary satisfaction found in stuff. I don't know about you but I find myself trying to quickly satisfy myself with stuff. So this morning as I sat there, I thought about all the things that I wanted and hoped to achieve and obtain in the years to come. And then I pictured my life after I had all those things. At first it looked great, but then my mind quickly began to think of even more things that I wanted. And then I quickly realized, this pursuit will never end as long as I am looking to be satisfied with what this world has to offer. Sometimes I thought I would be content if I just graduated from school and found a good job. Or got married and had a nice place to live. Or was able to make an album and play shows. All these things aren't bad or evil but they do not and cannot satisfy the deepest parts of the human soul.

So I began to read scripture that demonstrated to me what has been given to me by God and the greatness of these gifts.

I found freedom, love, acceptance, eternal life, joy, hope, grace, mercy, victory, and so much more. 

Trying to find satisfaction in people, accomplishments or stuff only leads to idolatry and ultimately a lonely and unsatisfied soul.

Satisfaction is found in the unseen.
Look up and in Christ alone you will find it.

melody

Cellphonic robots.

Most of the time when I blog I rant about particular subjects. The reason being, those subjects are often things I find myself struggling with and most of the time I'm lecturing myself via blogpost. Well, here I am again, blogging about yet another thing that God is pointing out in my life that needs some evaluating.

So let's start off with 100 % complete honesty...

I am addicted to social media. (And yes, I say this as I'm writing a blog, oh the irony ;) )
If this is you, say it with me haha...

"I am addicted to social media"

I realized that its true, the first step is admitting you have a problem. Now some people may think "well come on it's not that bad, at least its not drugs, alcohol or sexual addictions." Yeah, you may be right in a physical sense but to God, all these things affect our spiritual health.

Now, I don't want you to think I'm saying social media is wrong or evil, what I am saying is anything that takes precedence or even the place of God is indeed an idol. Do you ever notice that our generation talks so much but we rarely ever have to open our mouths? These days, it's so ridiculously easy to get onto social networks like facebook and twitter that this method of communication has become THE method of communicating.

I have an iPhone, so yeah I would say that the world of communicating has dramatically changed for me haha. I mean, if I need to check my e-mail BAM its right there. If I need to tweet a funny picture BAM its done. If I get bored and need to stalk someone on facebook, BAM instant connection. Notice how I used the word need? Sometimes I make my phone out to be a need. "Ah, where's my phone?!" or "Hang on, I'll meet you in the next room, just gotta grab my phone" I can't tell you the amount of times that I've frantically looked for my phone or expressed the urgent need of having my phone in front of me at all times. As I sit here and type that I laugh at myself but the sad part is I actually say that. What are the chances of something actually worth my time happening from one step into another room?

They say, whoever they may be haha, that you usually get frustrated with things that people do that you yourself actually do quite often. I learned that this week. I've been walking around school, the grocery store, the street, just about anywhere and I see people glued to their phones while they are in a conversation face to face with someone else. Sounds pretty ridiculous right? Get this. Once I walked by a restaurant, and saw two people on a date. The server came, put the food down and guess what the couple was doing? Yup, you guessed it. Both on their phones not uttering a single word to each other. Not even a thank you to their server for bringing them their food. What is that?? Well, to be honest, that's me. And that's pretty sick, not in cool and hip terms, but actual sickness.

Now, like I said, I'm talking to myself first and foremost here but I wonder if other people feel the same frustration with their behaviour. I mean, is it really necessary to check our phones 10 times in the span of a 20 minute chat? Probably not. Actually, scratch that, not at all. After seeing my behaviour being presented right before my eyes, I want to be more aware of how I spend my time. Now, I'm sure some of you may have pledged the same commitment one time or another in the past and well, so have I. But most of the time I've failed in doing so because frankly I try to change things on my own. Doesn't work. But, the amazing news is God desires for us to change and be more like Him. And if we ask, He will give us the strength. That's awesome isn't it?

I'm not here to say "stop tweeting!" or "get off facebook!" because truthfully, that's not what I'm going to do. I think social media is a great tool and I think in many ways it can be used for good, (like this blog post ;) ) I mean sometimes you do have something funny to share with other people or you want to keep in touch with someone that lives far from you and that's cool. But it all comes down to the heart and where your treasure actually is found.

I know for myself, it's time to put the cell phone away every now and then and focus on what actually matters; the Word of God, prayer, and taking the time to genuinely care for family and friends.

Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. - Ephesians 5:15-16

Life's too short to be glued to a piece of metal and plastic.


melody