In that moment I felt so helpless. I thought, 'I'm in a hospital, and I feel like I'm going to die.'
My mom wouldn't give up. She asked if there was a specialist in the hospital and the doctor said, "he comes at 2AM. You probably won't get to see him till 4AM." And my mom said "we'll wait."
As I sat in that chair in the emergency room I never felt so weary and helpless in my life. But something amazing was happening inside of me. You see, if this was Melody a year ago, I would have probably sat there and complained the whole time. But instead, as I was throwing up I kept reciting 1 Peter 5:10:
And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.
And in the midst of the pain and suffering I experienced joy I can't explain. My pride was striped away from me and I was humbled. In that moment, the reality of Christ being my strength became so evident to me. I had to remove my faith from healthcare, doctors, nurses, parents, friends, pastors, and especially myself and put it ALL in Jesus.
Finally, 4AM rolled around and the Internal Medicine specialist saw me and admitted me right away. Not only that, he arranged for me to see a G.I. specialist the next morning. I was so thankful that the Lord took care of me like that. During my time in the hospital I was cared for and put on treatment to help my stomach empty properly and allowed me to finally feel hungry so I could eat with ease. Not only that, I have to say have the best friends and family. Countless visits, flowers, and cards from so many people. After four days, I left the hospital and was still being overwhelmed by the love of people. The day I left the hospital it was my birthday and some of my dearest friends surprised me at my house.
All this to say, God is SO good to me. I am blessed beyond belief. Not only did He care for me while in the hospital, last week I was given an answer as to why this was all happening to me! It turns out I have a stomach bacteria that has been there probably since I was young and it can be treated with antibiotics.
I titled this post "Speechless" because after all of this, that's exactly what I am.
I think I'm more in awe of how much the Lord has changed me through all this than anything. I find myself now being thankful for things I considered small and insignificant before this. Like, getting hungry. That's such a blessing!
I'm learning everyday, that sometimes God takes what we consider 'everything' from us so that HE becomes everything to us. In my case, it was health, financial stability and music. But now I see that these things cannot fill the void in my heart, only Christ can. These things may make me happy for a little while but Jesus offers JOY and no one can take that away from me. Sign me up for that!
I find that this joy in my heart is becoming the driving force for everything I do. These three months I haven't been able to sing anywhere. I haven't had the strength and on top of that, the overwhelming sense of nausea hasn't allowed it. But now that I am getting stronger, every note that comes out of my mouth I see it as grace. It's not because of me, it's because God is sustaining me and allowing it to come out of my mouth. I need Him for everything.
I could write for days and days about this but I think my main point is that if you're going through trial or you are suffering, embrace it and CLING to Jesus. I promise you that God will show you and teach you things beyond what you could EVER imagine. He is so faithful and now I see that more than ever. I know it's hard, trust me I do but it was in the moments I wanted to give up, I remembered what Jesus said in John 16:33:
"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”
There is so much victory in Jesus name. Sometimes He allows these trials to ultimately bring glory to His name and to make us more like Him.
He knows what you're going through and He cares, just trust Him.